Come to the Table

I want to quote an article by Michael Polin in the New York Times a few days back.

" But what appeals to me about the tradition is how the communal oven also becomes a focus for social life (“focus” is Latin for “hearth”), a place to gather and gossip and escape the solitude of cooking at home. Shared meals have always been about community, about what happens among family and friends — even enemies — when they gather around a table to eat..."

I loved this quote because I've always strongly believed in sharing the kitchen, sharing the meal and that sharing our lives w/ others was one of the best ways to share faith and build stronger relationships in the "church". After all, the early church met in homes, sharing lives,sharing food, sharing the Lord. This community building continued through the ages and throughout many cultures. Sadly, our culture has separated our communion from our community by eating at our solitary tables in our solitary homes or gulping down our fries in our cars. Gone are the Sunday afternoon picnic after church, the potluck after midweek service, the shared meal on Saturday evening. Life goes so quickly that we fork our food in our mouths and rush to our next appointment, our next meeting,our next T-Ball game, our next TV show.

So how can we bring the community back to the table?

Share with us at the table, see what we've done and are doing and not only incorporate it into your life but add to it, morph it so it fits your situation. Improve the examples, build on the samples. Make it your own. But be warned- it takes "Focus".

We have friends over for a meal and we end up eating dinner leaning against our kitchen counters - chatting a mile a minute, too busy laughing to move to a table.

We have family, friends, and those whose family live across the country for holiday meals. We've potlucked when each family involved didn't have enough for an entire meal but together we could build meals that would last for a week. We've shared our kitchen with a single man waiting for the next step in his life to begin and with a family of four whose life disappeared while they were in the middle of a move. Those who love to cook are welcomed in our home - their skills are applauded and consumed. Those who are gifted at consumption are welcomed and handed a pie to devour. (think 8 year olds and 18 year olds)

None of this requires a fancy home, an antique set of dishes, a perfectly clean house. Karen Mains tells a story how a crying woman came to her door and when she saw the messy living room sobbed out "oh, you'll understand" and proceeded to have her hurt lessened by a gracious woman. In fact, perfection can actually erect a wall between people. So just get out the mugs, use the china, lean on the counter,whatever is stress-less for you but give love and focus on their heart.

As a child our home was where visiting preachers had Sunday dinner, where teens hung out for the entire day - usually leaning on the counters as we baked cookies, cakes, pies and gossiped about school and the boys. It was where my sister and I would spend days helping our mom can peaches, pears and spaghetti sauce - all the time learning how to be godly women. It was where troubles were discussed, solutions found and decisions made. It provided us with a grounding that anchored us when we hit lonely times.

Right now we are attending a church were every week we eat at the communal table after service. We sop up soup w/ a biscuit, we laugh as the little ones try to cram entire cookies into their mouths, we giggle as noodles slip off our spoons, we exchange recipes we hug each others' kids.

We blend our lives one meal at a time, learning each others' needs, strengths, hurts and hearts. We "focus" on making family, by being available to each other to help with practical needs like a truck for a moving couple or by praying quietly over a few weeks' time for the quickly spoken need.
 
My daughter is attending a church in Seattle where the youth are enjoying eating together during their teen service. In fact the meetings are centered around the kitchen and the table, they visit, they talk, they commune. These teens who are looking for people to care are making a home and a family. She mentioned that since beginning this she has seen a stronger melding of her teens to each other, they care more about each other and are more invested in how each other lives on a daily basis. Their church is also eating together after every service. They are now talking about moving their "growth groups" to that after church meal when everyone is present.They will take a few questions based on the sermon and discuss how these questions relate to their lives, building connections among the adults and families by following the path the youth have cleared through the thicket.

 Having time at the table w/ loved ones helps us know there are others who care and "have our backs" come what may. This is what I want to build within our children, this is the certainty I need to instill in others. The knowing they are not alone, the deep trust that others will help in crisis, the surety that we are praying for them.
That is the crux of family; the communing, the connection, the certainty. 
But it takes "focus".