Dis-ease
Having struggled w/ depression since I was a young girl I watch carefully for symptoms that have become the forecasters of oncoming energy draining darkness. Sometimes I am too slow to respond and then must spend time trying to swim against the pull of the cloying exhaustion that overwhelms me. Other times I catch it quick enough to offset the tug and pull of the whirlpool.
How? I examine how my time is being spent. I check on what I've been absorbing thru word, and visuals. I look at who is speaking into my life and what is their attitude, their outlook, their view on reality. I think about why I may be feeling this way - physical exhaustion?, hormonal imbalance?, seasonal change? life in general or something in specific.
Then.... I determine if I need sleep, need community, need a break away from my responsibilities, need herbal or medical assistance for a time.
Sometimes its as simple as stopping the "I can do it all, (or should)" attitude, sometimes its as difficult as 2 years of anti-depressants, therapy and pulling apart guilt, blame and life lessons and revisiting my childhood with adult eyes.
Sigh, even when its easy I find myself tearing up with the realization that I have to put more effort (again) into not just maintaining my reality but again improving my outlook.
Perfectionism?
Unrealistic expectations?
or...
just too many things going on and slipping out of my control. wait, control, hmm? maybe thats the new thing I need to address....hnah, couldn't be that. too simple, hard to fix but too simple.
How? I examine how my time is being spent. I check on what I've been absorbing thru word, and visuals. I look at who is speaking into my life and what is their attitude, their outlook, their view on reality. I think about why I may be feeling this way - physical exhaustion?, hormonal imbalance?, seasonal change? life in general or something in specific.
Then.... I determine if I need sleep, need community, need a break away from my responsibilities, need herbal or medical assistance for a time.
Sometimes its as simple as stopping the "I can do it all, (or should)" attitude, sometimes its as difficult as 2 years of anti-depressants, therapy and pulling apart guilt, blame and life lessons and revisiting my childhood with adult eyes.
Sigh, even when its easy I find myself tearing up with the realization that I have to put more effort (again) into not just maintaining my reality but again improving my outlook.
Perfectionism?
Unrealistic expectations?
or...
just too many things going on and slipping out of my control. wait, control, hmm? maybe thats the new thing I need to address....hnah, couldn't be that. too simple, hard to fix but too simple.
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